oh it's been a couple days since i've written in here.  i've been busy with school stuff.  i have both an anatomy/physiology and micrbiology test next week, so i have been trying to study for those. 

we all got drunk last night.   started at about 6, didn't stop until the bars kicked us out at 1:45-2am. 

so, i have these 2 friends that used to be friuends with eachother but now one girl doesnt like the other at all.  so, marc n i ended up drinkin with one girl until about 11, "going home to bed", and the drinkin with the other girl until 2am. 

let me just say that i HATE football.  football season is the worst season of the entire year.  it makes me want to go into hiding.  marc loves football and that's all he ever wants to watch, hence the reason i jus want to disappear for a few months now. 

nobody ever reads this thing.  booo. 

i have to study now.  i know i haven't written anything that terribly exciting in here,  i'm just "uninspired" i guess

why is this thing all fucked up?  like the place to write is going all the way across instead of all the way down...  wtf.  

 anyways,  today the scale said 243.2. which is a 3 pound loss from when i started here a couple days ago. 

which is always a good thing :). only 17 more pounds to go to get to my first goal! :)  

 i know it's been a couple days since i've written in here... i had school all day yesterday and the day before. 

spherion called me today with another job opportunity, working at a CALL CENTER again. 

grr idk if i wanna do that.  i didn't answer when she called b/c the phone actually woke me up,

but i did listen to the voicemail. 

i guess i have to call her back.  i really need a job, but i really don't want to work at a call center again,

 although it seems like that's the only good job around here you can get without any sort of degree... 

so marc woke me up at 5 this morning, telling me how we should start going to bed at 10 and waking up at 5.

  i'm just like, honey, there's no way you will ever get me to do that.  for two reasons. 

1, i am a night person, i like to stay up late. 

2, i'm definitely not a morning person.

 this morning, i got up at 8:30, but only because that's when my phone started ringing. 

oh yeah and both of the dogs slept in the bed with us. 

i think my baby lab is getting a little too big. 

baby girl (bichon) will be able to sleep in the bed till she dies but only cuz she's fully grown at a whopping 12 pounds.   

 but, guess who is still sleeping.  mr "let's wake up at 5" and both the dogs. 

while i am awake writing in my xanga.  oh well, this seems like the only time i can get anything done anyways. 

i am sooo glad today is friday.  i have the whole weekend ahead of me yet.  well, let's not start celebrating yet.

 i have homework that will take up most of my time, and i have to clean the house

which has been neglected for about a wekk here since i've been too busy with school to care about cleaning. 

i had the weirdest dreams last night.  i don't even remember exactly what they were about,

but i know that they were just so off the wall....

today is a sad day.  today is the day i was supposed to be having my baby. 

i had a miscarriage on feb 29 at 12 weeks. 

 it was the saddest, hardest thing i've ever had to do.  i ended up getting a D & C b/c honestly

i didn't want to have to go thru any more than i already had.  i still cry when i think about it sometimes. 

i think the pain is always going to be there.  my poor husband cried i think more than i did at that time. 

he was so excited to have a baby.  and so was I. 

but, i got to a point where i just couldn't cry anymore, and i stopped. 

we want another baby sooo bad, but i can't get pregnant at this weight

and at this point in time we are both in school, he is workin a part time job and i don't have a job, but need one. 

we couldn't afford a baby.  and, we have 2 dogs.  so we are somewhat satisfied.

so i have this one dog who just loves to chew holes in the crotches of my jeans. 

 last night, i found out she did it again. for the 324234234th time. 

so i have 2 pairs of pants now that have a hole in the crotch.

so i either go buy a couple new pairs of jeans or i go home and make my mom patch them. again.

well, i think i'm gonna sign off and go and have a smoke.  and maybe eat something. 

toodles :)

 ahhh this morning the scale said 246.2  ....  i took a few pictures of myself to give you guys an idea of how grossly

fat and disgusting i am...

    this is my back, complete with back fat and love handles

  gross, gross, gross.  my stomach and back from the side.

 me from the front. 

don't let the size of the pictures deceive you...  i am huge.  and it doesnt help that i got my period today and all i want to do is eat eat eat.  speaking of that.  intake for the day:

Breakfast- peach                                                                                                                                           

sometime during the day i had some cheesecake from last night and some chips and salsa (blame it on the period...)

potatoe oles from taco johns was my lunch.

went to work out this morning after brekfast, burned around 300 calories..

i have to finish my case studies, one is due tomorrow (one for microbiology) and one is due thursday (one for anatomy)

i decided as soon as i lose 20 pounds i am going to get myself a tanning membership, that is my motiavtion for these 20 pounds.

i will have to update more later...